As usual: nothing important.

Because of my broken shitty laptop that nobody can seem to fix, and my employers yelling at me every time I use the internet for non-work purposes, I have had to keep my musings bottled up in the rapidly fading storage bin that is my brain.

One too many pop-culture related things have gotten on my last nerve, and need to be shared with the world for the preservation of my own sanity.

I've seen about 18 news pieces in the past month dedicated to coverage on what kind of dog Barack Obama's family will 'adopt' when they enter the Whitehouse. The last one which really 'grinded my gears' as Family Guy's Peter Griffin would say, can be seen here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/27702300/?GT1=43001

Not to disrespect Obama and everything he has accomplished, (because I'm really happy the reign of tyranny infused upon the country by 100% Caucasian nimrods has at least been put on hold for the time being) - but why the hell should it be necessary to drone on about a member of the canine species that will obviously have a more opulent life than most people for the next four years? I can understand one or maybe two pieces dedicated to the dog-infatuated reader out there, but once you see the headline 'What puppy should the Obamas get?' more than six times in a given week, complete with a reader poll, and 'pros-and-cons' analysis of the different choices and suggestions - it starts to get a little ridiculous. When Bush got elected and re-elected, you didn't have a poll asking the nation: "What country should we attack first when Bush gets into the Whitehouse?" followed by some choices and a political panel breakdown. (Although, I'm sure everyone would have found that more interesting.)

I have some news, the great Barack Obama doesn't care about what dog YOU think he should get. You casted your votes, you put him in office, got into violent, drunken political arguments along the way with other idiots that have no resolution, and now your role in the American political system has been served. In the end, just like every other real executive decision within a familial unit, Obama will end up getting bitched around by his wife and kids, and go with whatever fruity,uncool dog that happen to suit their tastes.

And another thing that irks me that has nothing to do with Obama, the looming obsession with vampires is really becoming a tired act. Every few years or so, another uncreative writer comes out with a book or TV series or movie, that centers around the fanged, 'nightmarish', and now overly played out creatures. George Carlin once said that zombies were unreliable - and now the same can be said for all things undead, including vampires and Raiders' owner Al Davis. (http://sports.espn.go.com/media/pg2/2002/0306/photo/aldavis.jpg)

Granted, I enjoyed the Blade trilogy because I was 13 and Wesley Snipes doesn't pay taxes and he's the man, and recently watched** a few episodes of 'True Blood' and it seems semi-interesting at times. (Note**: By 'watched', I really mean fast forwarded through the boring dialogue via HBO on demand to scour for short, unsatisfying sex scenes because my comp's broken and my woman recently kicked me to the curb)

I've read Bram Stoker's Dracula years back and I was more disappointed than amused. As I've discussed with resident Photoshop mastermind Phil Fresiello in several instances - how could Dracula possibly afford a mortgage on such a large castle, when he had no mentioned means of income and he just spent his time transforming into different vermin, and scaling the castle walls all day weirding out his guests? Somebody would have had to step in and repossess it at some point. Examples like these are why the financial industry is in shambles.

And how much more could even the most talented writer possibly do with vampire storylines while still sticking to the Vampire criteria? Great...they have fangs, they harass and bite people and suck their blood, they can't go out in the daytime, and wooden stakes and garlic kills them - and they've all been doing it all the same fucking way for thousands of years. BORING.

Within those parameters, there aren't a whole lot of wrinkles you could throw into it. Because they can't go leave their caves or wherever the hell they stay in the daytime, that limits them from getting real jobs, or biting people during normal work hours. The restaurant industry, which operates at night in many places, also disqualifies them because of the reliance on garlic-based ingredients in different types of cuisine. I could suggest vampires as porn stars or escorts because of their traditionally charming and charismatic personalities - but nobody that's not a serial killer wants to jerk off to/or pay for - getting their necks violently bitten.

And, finally, they can't be craftsmen or lumberjacks or carpenters, because they might get accidentally impaled on a sharp piece of wood and die. That doesn't leave a whole lot of options for creativity, and I hope the sad writers that keep forcefeeding everybody the vampire bullshit get this memo.

You know what paranormal beings I want to see more stories and movies about?

Computer programmers....

They're far more valuable to humanity, and their enchanting lore throughout history has gone largely unnoticed.