Hail the Leaders...

My fellow Americans,

Despite the fact that I hate the balls out of politics and everything that it stands for; the joke of the modern American political scene is actually what inspired me to do a little writing after another period of intellectual inactivity. I really don't want to have to bore the shit out of everybody with political mention, so I want to apologize in advance for the next few minutes of thought-provoking inconvenience.

Having to help a friend with some pointless St. John's college coursework (while listening to Nas' new awesome album) caused me to examine the "Vice"-Presidential competition between Joe Biden and Sarah "I was kind of hot 15 years ago" Palin and came to a few mind-numbing conclusions. In case you were wondering, I put the word 'Vice' in quotes because listening to these two numbskulls drone on about the issues is comparable to having your brain(or what's left of it) put in a vice-grip and violently squeezed until it's liquified.

For starters, I'm glad the Republicans wanted to carry on strong American tradition, and replace the largely successful Dick Cheney experiment with somebody equally as qualified (and brainless) in Sarah Palin. Now mind you, before last night, I really had no idea what Palin was about or who she even was - aside from the basic facts - a semi-attractive (In that 'older-chick hot' sort of way) from the wastelands of Alaska with a knocked-up teenage daughter (pumps fist for the American dream) who apparently considers herself a 'Hockey Mom'. Wholesome.

While looking for some ammunition for this piece, I discovered that according to Andrew Halcro, (opinion editor for the Christian Science Monitor), Palin is 'the master of the nonanswer'.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1001/p09s01-coop.html

I know nobody actually wants to look at the 'Christian Science Monitor' website (how the hell does one monitor Christian Science anyway.........according to the Republicans, don't the two contradict each other?) , and understandably so, - so I'll provide a quote from Sarah Palin herself.

"Andrew, I watch you at these debates with no notes, no papers, and yet when asked questions, you spout off facts, figures, and policies, and I'm amazed. But then I look out into the audience and I ask myself, 'Does any of this really matter?' "

Upon further review I discovered that Palin graduated college with a Journalism degree, doesn't believe in using facts in arguments, and speaks in generalities - all things which I do/have done and get called an idiot for, yet she gets to compete for the United States Vice Presidency? That just doesn't seem fair to guys like me with just as many qualifications who would do a much more entertaining job if given a high position like that. Now granted, I don't govern Alaska or drive minivans to J.V. hockey games, but based on the above(and below) information, I'm just as qualified. our foreign policy experience is about the same. I've been to Niagara Falls once - she thinks Afghanistan is a 'neighboring country' to the U.S.
St. John's is more 'prestigious' than Idaho University (both Palin's and former Jaguars kicker Mike Hollis' alma mater), with just as many inept sports teams. And, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once years back. Advantage: <<<< Me

Getting back on topic, Palin's views on the various issues are a goldmine for comedic analysis. (Courtesy of Wikipedia.com - the real almanac.)


Exhibit A: Palin on marriage: "a marriage may exist only between one man and one woman"
Well, looks like that screws the Republicans out of not only the gays' votes, but also the votes of the Mormons, some Muslims, Donald Trump, Charlie Sheen, Hugh Grant, Henry VIII, and whoever else happens to like polygamy or more than one woman at once. Not a good campaign strategy.

Palin on sex-education: "Palin is opposed to "explicit sex-ed programs", including "school-based clinics and the distribution of contraceptives in schools"
Clearly, her daughter isn't in favor of this one, either. (Yessss, had to do it even though mudslinging and taking shots at irrelevant parties isn't normally my thing...)

Palin on Illicit Drugs: "Palin is opposed to efforts to decriminalize marijuana, which she says sends the wrong message to children. Palin has said she is more concerned about methamphetamine than marijuana, which she sees as a greater social threat."
Obviously, cocaine and heroin distribution are more important for the sustenance of the American economy; especially with the financial crisis and problems with banks. If people are going to be poor, they might as well be on lots of hard street drugs so they don't care about the collapse of the middle class as much, damnit. I do wholeheartedly agree with Palin's assessment that meth is more dangerous than marijuana and I'm glad that finally somebody, thankfully someone with such high esteem as a Vice Presidential candidate, boldly shed light on that age-old debate for us.

Palin on Foreign Policy: This link http://www.tunc.biz/Sarah_Palin's_Inexperience.htm, goes into more interesting detail about her lack of world/geographical knowledge, but I'll just do a brief summation. According to the above website, Palin was asked a few questions about various international subjects. "What is the capital of Spain?" Palin replied Lisbon" (The answer is Madrid, for the record)

"Name three Sub-Saharan African nations?" Palin's answers were, "Burma, Turkey, and Mongolia." She could have said, "South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Uganda."

The website went on and added the following.

"A stunned campaign team informed McCain they were in deep trouble. There was no way of faking that Palin had foreign affairs knowledge. Joe Biden has met with more than 50 heads of state. Palin didn't even know that Tibet was part of China."

Sidenote for emphasis: - As a youngster, during downtime school hours (ie. in class while the teacher was talking) I used to read through the history books' atlas sections and look at many of the world nations' capitals for shits and giggles. The point of this nerd story you ask? I was 12 when I figured a lot of this shit out. She's 44, held a political office, and is still unaware. Good to see the leadership of this nation is improving from a personnel standpoint.

To make matters worse, some jerk with a blogspot far inferior to mine (not speculation, see for yourself -http://palinforvp.blogspot.com/2008/06/geographic-argument-for-palin.html) had these choice words to say about Sarah Palin: "First and foremost, she is one of the nations (sic) toughest and gutsiest leaders"

Wrong.

Now Brett Favre is a tough and gutsy leader, over 250 consecutive starts behind center, and he wouldn't get lost on his way to meet with various world leaders.

To conclude, I'll answer these questions.

Would I have sex with Sarah Palin?(and/or daughter for good measure) - Sure.
Would I want her as my country's Vice President - Absolutely Not.